Perpetually Optimistic (despite being called “maalat”)

In the greater scheme of things, I know that things happen for a reason. Yet for the life me, I really couldn’t stomach the news I received through SMS on Thursday night. I couldn’t sleep and it wasn’t because of my insomnia kicking in – more like the text message I received completely changed my mood. I was no longer sleepy and I stepped out to have breath of fresh air – and a smoke; as with everything with me these days, everything’s always paired with its opposite or complement. *sigh*

I know I shouldn’t be blaming this on anyone yet I felt so betrayed that day and all throughout the following day. I couldn’t focus on my work and decided to give up. Or maybe it was a foregone conclusion because as soon as a read the message on my cell phone – which was around one in the morning because I left my phone charging and did not turn it on at all before it finished – I sent a message to one of my colleagues. Lo and behold! A reply was immediate and for some time we discussed about the following morning – found out plans of an “emergency” leave while I was left courting the idea that I might not be showing my face in the office, too. But duty prevailed – or so I thought – and I got up the following morning, groggy and totally sapped of any king of energy sleep would have given me, and left for the office – running tardy because I really wasn’t making any effort to report to work.

So my short morning dragged on, I couldn’t concentrate on starting my work and just pretended that I was busy. People in our team asked if I was pushing through, using my own funds – and for a while I thought they were talking about continuing my graduate studies and, of course, I would continue with it – but I quickly realized that news had already spread. *sigh*

And I was so excited.

I resolved to forget my sorrows – to drown them, so to speak. And I did! That very same night. I’d already left the office prematurely, having filed for a half-day leave so I could enrol for the second semester. I didn’t really care where I was going. I wanted to forget that all my hopes to see my relatives before Christmas went “poof!” just the night before. So sad…

Anyways, I quickly went through the motions of enrolment. I didn’t even bother to wait line to pay my tuition in the cashier – the line was long – and resolved just to pay for it sometime the following week. Still feeling down, I decided to visit my favorite internet and gaming café and hung out with a couple of friends and acquaintances – played DotA for the better part of four hours! Yeah, I did! Before I went to Eastwood City to further drown my grief with a different type of entertainment and pleasure.

After an uneventful dinner at KFC Katipunan, it was high time for me to head out to Ebisu at Eastwood to join my friends in celebrating one of our friend’s upcoming birthday. Boy, was I drunk! DRUNK! And though I didn’t get to have my consecutive tequila shots, at least I got one! LOL! Offered by the celebrator and given to us with no way out – “Walang tatanggi, ha?” – and I sure wasn’t going to!

I don’t know what I did at the party. And I DON’T CARE! I got drunk – which was my goal – and I forgot about my sorrows for several hours. *sigh* Major hungover immediately following though and even the morning after – I got reacquainted with the toilet bowl – LOL! Jesus H. Christ! I honestly don’t know how I got home safely sound and in one piece, still with my wallet – a miracle by itself because I tended to lose my wallets when I’m on that level of inebriation (I guess I’ve learned my lessons or maybe I just got better in being a responsible drunk!).

Yet knowing myself, I knew sadness would only have me in its dreadful grip for a short while. Optimistic person that I am – yes, I am in fact perpetually optimistic; I always see light at the end of tunnels, always see the good of everyone (naïve it may sound) – you can just ask my Pysch 101 professor in college. Hehe. Sparks of temper were just exactly that – sparks! So it was only a matter of time that I’d be planning for my life again and what I’d be doing now that our training’s been postponed.

Two things came to my mind right away – one, that I won’t be missing our annual company Christmas costume party after all – this year’s theme is all about comics, superheroes and villains and the like – and two, that I’d be able to attend my friend’s wedding on the second week of December – a reunion of sorts, and something I’m most certainly looking forward to.

Even now as I write this story, my heart is once again back to its normal state – though my mind’s still lingering on the crushed plans for a couple of weeks in cold climate. I can’t wait for the party and I surely can’t wait to see one of my most wonderful friends walk down that aisle to marry the man she loves. Can’t wait to see her smiling and teary-eyed at the same time – yep, I’m sure it’ll happen, not just to her but to many of our friends as well.

So here I am, speaking from the depths of my heart – with my mind editing everything to make it perfect – talking to anonymous readers and surfing the net for a costume rentals store in the metro. I wish I could visit that store I found already. Can’t wait for the next weekend! I just wish they have the costume I’m planning for and that nobody else in the company has thought about it!


P.S. For some insane reason, even before the news of a possible training out of the country, I’ve seemed to have been more “matamis” than “maalat”. Why is that? What is going on with me?


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